Monday, May 15, 2006

the birth order connection

the birth order connection...finding and keeping the love of your life. i know it's another relationship book. so what does it have to do with our christian walk? well it's important to choose wisely when it comes to life partners right? right! what's different about this book is that the author, dr. leman suggests that the birth order (the order in which a person enters his/her family) plays a significant role in shaping the personality and character of a person because family dynamics change with the addition of a new member.

here's a brief summary
first borns like to take charge. they are the leaders. they are also moody and intimidating.

middle borns are hard to categorize because they can be a middle born in a family of 5 or a family of 8. it depends on how many other siblings there are and the age difference. they're calm and great listeners, but they also have boundary issues.

last borns have strong people skills, but get bored easily.

onlys are like first borns, but more intense. we are the mega-movers of this world, but we're also unforgiving, demanding, and hate to admit that we're wrong.

there are exceptions to the rule. the number and gender of the siblings also has an effect on the characters especially the middle borns.

certain birth orders are more compatible with one another in marriage. onlys, first-borns, and middle borns are the most compatible with the last borns, while the last borns are most compatible with the first borns.

the first 25% focuses on this specifically, and then the rest of the book is on other stuff that needs to be known to choose a suitable mate. while it was interesting to read dr. leman's theory on the birth order i felt that it was too deterministic. he made it sound like you were stuck with whatever birth order you're born with. like you can never change. but in Christ you can! i.e. as an only i hate to admit when i'm wrong, and i'm majorly task-oriented, but i'm learning. in addition it felt a lot like horoscope matchmaking. (i.e. oxes go well with roosters and snakes but not with sheep.)

the second part of the book was more in depth psychologically of how to choose a mate. it was much like fit to be tied by the hybels, but i would recommend fit to be tied more as it is more Christ-centered. this book is written to a general audience not a christian audience specifically, but it has christian undertones. it was realistic about the importance of choosing a mate wisely and not jumping on the feelings bandwagon. good read overall, very enlightening. i was just sketched out by the birth order part of it at first. but it DOES make a lot of sense.